Last weekend was so quiet. Quite nice actually.
On the friday I was so upset as the Mr of the house didn't want to eat my food (again) and so I decided that was all with him and my cooking. (nice and easy decision). So of course as usual, when I'm upset, I felt phisycally ill and got a cold. (sore throat and everything)
By the time he got home I wasn't well and for the first time I was able to say it. "No!, I'm not ok". It felt quite right tbh. My friend Rona and I talked a lot about this on the thursday and I thought her advice was very sensible so I just said everything I had to say when he asked me if I was ok. The good thing was that I was so relaxed to start the weekend with my husband in our house and just do simple weekend stuff together. Did the shopping on Saturday, did the ironing and whilst he was on the computer doing job search (the comp is right in front of the couch where I watch the telly) we talked and laughed. Then on the sunday he went to Tesco for a breakfast, which honestly I don't know how he can stomach, as I went to my meeting. Then camen back home and we did exactly the same we did the day before. It was quiet and simple. Some laughter, some talk, some food, some beer and some sex on saturday night.
Oooh, the sex. Yeah, we hadn't had sex in so long I can't even remember when the last time was. I wore my lucky nighty and of course got myself completely shaved, which I know he likes and just waited for him to come to bed with me. I fell asleep in his arms and he told me he loved me more than I would never know. I'm not quite sure what that means or why I woudn't know, but it's ok. At least he loves me A LOT, and that's good.
Today is monday and I'm waiting for the postman who has a V. important delivery for me. Hope he is here soon cause I can't wait all day in this nervous state. Anyway, I don't know exactly what it is but my husband thinks it's my work permits and all and I so hope he's right. Although it is so scary to have to go back into the world and face the elements (people) but at least we will be able to go on a holiday. Anyway, I just gotta keep waiting. For now, bye bye and be happy for me :)
lunes, 2 de agosto de 2010
miércoles, 28 de julio de 2010
And another week
Well, yeah, another week. Nothing glamorous happened on the weekend except for the little fishing trip we took with his youngest son. Oh, and of course the still sticking in my mind "I'm fed up in general" comment, which happend at his mum's. How I feel about that?? Well, how would anyone feel if their husband said something like that?? Fed up in general?? I mean, I know he's been desperately looking for a better job and all that, but I'm sure there are thousands doing the same in this world. So, being fed up in general probably doesn't only refer to his current job situation, does it?
The problem with all this is that I'm starting to feel like he'd be way better off if I wasn't here. So much that I'm almost sure I could be invisible or dress up like a drag queen and he wouldn't even notice.
Now, there is something that's kind of worrying me, and it has for a while. I'm not so sure he's completely over his ex-wife, and just saying it freezes up all the bllod in my body but that's what I've been thinking. Especially since that day at the golf club when we had to spend a few hours with her and the kids because of his step-dad's funeral. Nothing really happened during the day but on our way out he told me something that made me feel so insecure about the way he sees things, regarding us of course. He asked me if I was gonna stop loving him. We'd been married for a couple of weeks!!! Who asks that after being married for only two weeks??!! What? Just because she stopped loving him I'm going to do the same?? How badly did things end up there that his confidence is on the floor?? I don't know exactly but I'm thinking not so well. Somehow, I need to find out.
The problem with all this is that I'm starting to feel like he'd be way better off if I wasn't here. So much that I'm almost sure I could be invisible or dress up like a drag queen and he wouldn't even notice.
Now, there is something that's kind of worrying me, and it has for a while. I'm not so sure he's completely over his ex-wife, and just saying it freezes up all the bllod in my body but that's what I've been thinking. Especially since that day at the golf club when we had to spend a few hours with her and the kids because of his step-dad's funeral. Nothing really happened during the day but on our way out he told me something that made me feel so insecure about the way he sees things, regarding us of course. He asked me if I was gonna stop loving him. We'd been married for a couple of weeks!!! Who asks that after being married for only two weeks??!! What? Just because she stopped loving him I'm going to do the same?? How badly did things end up there that his confidence is on the floor?? I don't know exactly but I'm thinking not so well. Somehow, I need to find out.
viernes, 16 de julio de 2010
Friday 16th July, 2010
Right, it's friday and to be honest I couldn't feel more like going back to bed and stay there until we can grab our suitcases and go on holidays. I'm so sick of gray days when it should be wonderfuly sunny outside.
Mr K came back from his mum's yesterday with a big bag of washing (which I'm supposed to iron) but I found out today that it was only my washing. Why did he leave his at his mum's?? So that she could do it?? A couple of days ago he had a job assestment thing and of course needed his trousers and shirt pressed, did he ask me to do it for him?? No. He gave it to his mum. Why? Maybe because he doesn't like the way I iron?? Maybe because he doesn't trust me with an iron?? Who knows. In any case and whatever the reason was I found it very insulting.
This being married thing is not easy at all.
At least I have some nice chicken and mushroom risotto waiting for me. My knitting and Sleepless in Seatle are also there for me. So chin up and forget my silly husband.
Mr K came back from his mum's yesterday with a big bag of washing (which I'm supposed to iron) but I found out today that it was only my washing. Why did he leave his at his mum's?? So that she could do it?? A couple of days ago he had a job assestment thing and of course needed his trousers and shirt pressed, did he ask me to do it for him?? No. He gave it to his mum. Why? Maybe because he doesn't like the way I iron?? Maybe because he doesn't trust me with an iron?? Who knows. In any case and whatever the reason was I found it very insulting.
This being married thing is not easy at all.
At least I have some nice chicken and mushroom risotto waiting for me. My knitting and Sleepless in Seatle are also there for me. So chin up and forget my silly husband.
miércoles, 14 de julio de 2010
And it's been almost two months since we got married
So many things have happened since we got married. I'm Mrs K now and I love it. Mr K went back to work the week after out wedding, we had to go to the funeral of his step-dad (which absolutely broke our hearts) and then we started living a normal life. Well, kind of normal at least.
He been working very hard and I'm still not allowed to get a job as my papers could take about 6 months to get processed (what a pain in the arse). I am though going out with my friend Rona as much as I can, and go to see my mother in law as much as I can too. I also got an iron and Mr K got me an ironing table, which silly enough, made so very happy. So life isn't as boring as one could think.
I chat with my mum as often as I can and that makes me feel so good. I know my mum isnt having it easy with my moving so far away from her and the mess my younger brother has got himself into (nothing terrible, just two children with his gf and he hasn't been able to get a stable job, that's all). My other brother just lives his life as if nothing or nobody else mattered and my dad, well...my dad is my dad. Not much help for my mum.
As for us, well, Mr K s working very hard. He is also trying to get another job as the one he has isn't very satisfying money-wise, and of course there are always things to do for everybody else. So we've not had much time to sit down and have a nice long talk or simply relax together with a good movie on the telly. He either keeps falling asleep or doing some research on the internet or who knows.
Well, that's been married life for now. A month and a half and we haven't had one romantic saturday night together once. And do I need one! I seriously hope that our passports are back soon so that we can go away on our own and do somethings together. Those things I really really need to do now.
He been working very hard and I'm still not allowed to get a job as my papers could take about 6 months to get processed (what a pain in the arse). I am though going out with my friend Rona as much as I can, and go to see my mother in law as much as I can too. I also got an iron and Mr K got me an ironing table, which silly enough, made so very happy. So life isn't as boring as one could think.
I chat with my mum as often as I can and that makes me feel so good. I know my mum isnt having it easy with my moving so far away from her and the mess my younger brother has got himself into (nothing terrible, just two children with his gf and he hasn't been able to get a stable job, that's all). My other brother just lives his life as if nothing or nobody else mattered and my dad, well...my dad is my dad. Not much help for my mum.
As for us, well, Mr K s working very hard. He is also trying to get another job as the one he has isn't very satisfying money-wise, and of course there are always things to do for everybody else. So we've not had much time to sit down and have a nice long talk or simply relax together with a good movie on the telly. He either keeps falling asleep or doing some research on the internet or who knows.
Well, that's been married life for now. A month and a half and we haven't had one romantic saturday night together once. And do I need one! I seriously hope that our passports are back soon so that we can go away on our own and do somethings together. Those things I really really need to do now.
Our Wedding Day
Oh, I wish this day had been different. I should have been up on cloud n°nine all week and instead, I was heartbroken. My husband's step dad had passed away two days before our wedding leaving us all in shock as it all happened so suddenly.
We got out of bed very early that day. I washed my hair and went to have breakfast. My stomach went up and down all the way through breakfast. Mr k and I made love the night before and I fell asleep in his arms and that was the safestest I felt by then. I only I could take his arms around me everywhere I go, I thought.
Once we finished breakfast Mr K drove his daughter and I to the hairdressers (and it was pouring down of course) whilst he and the boys went to Gretna Registration office to pick up our marriage schedule to hand in the pastor before the wedding.
The girl at Derek Laing in Lockerbie, was FABULOUS!!! She did a great job (hope I don't get in trouble for mentioning the name of the place, but it was just fantastic) and it was so wasy to find.
Anyway, we got our hairs done and Mr k picked us up and we headed back to the hotel. The boys got ready in the kids room and the girls got ready in my room. So his daughter and I went to get our makeups done and I put on my dress. Now, by this moment I was thinkingof my mum and the fact that she couldn't be there with me, and God, did I need my mum then!!
The flowers came in and we were ready to go. The limo was waiting for us at the door of the hotel to take us to the Anvil Hall.
aaahhhh the Anvil hall, the most beautiful wedding setting I could have imagined. So fairytale like. I'm sure that's how Cinderella must have felt when she married her prince. I remember I felt my chest was about to explode and couldn't stop smiling, all the way through.
When we said our vows I took a moment to think of what I was saying and so I really meant every word I said. Then we had our pictures taken in and out of the place. Oh! and we even had a Scottish Piper to walk with me to the altar. My husband's youngest son gave me away and it was all so sweet as he even had to say "I do" when the pastor asked him who was giving me in marriage. I still go aaawwww when I think of that.
Anyway, Mr K and I spent some time together in our room when we got to the hotel and had some pictures taken. I had some wine and he had a few beers. Then, back to baby sitting. I didn't mind having the kids with us though, it's just that sharing my husband is so not what I expected to have to do on my wedding day. I know I'm gonna have to share him for the rest of my life and so I only wanted that day to be for us, just us. I should have said yes, when he asked me to go to Gretna together, just the two of us, but I thought it would have been so selfish not to invite his parents, and then he thought of the children and I couldn't say no. An that was our wedding day.
The next morning we had breakfast, left the hotel to go to Gretna Registration Office and to pick up our wedding album from the Gretna Wedding Bureau, who by the way, were also fantastic and their service was really good. I recommend it totally. And then, back to dropping the kids back to the lake district as they were spending a few days up at the caravan and we headed back to Manchester. Back to tears and lots of I'm sorry cards. I'm still so sad that things had to be that way. I don't think I will ever be able to get over that. Especially when I think of our wedding anniversaries. They will always come after the day when my father-in-law passed away and the day my mother-in-law's life changed forever. I'm so sorry for her. I really am, I really miss him, as he was such a lovely man, and life will never be the same for any of us. Rest in peace, G. We will never forget you.
We got out of bed very early that day. I washed my hair and went to have breakfast. My stomach went up and down all the way through breakfast. Mr k and I made love the night before and I fell asleep in his arms and that was the safestest I felt by then. I only I could take his arms around me everywhere I go, I thought.
Once we finished breakfast Mr K drove his daughter and I to the hairdressers (and it was pouring down of course) whilst he and the boys went to Gretna Registration office to pick up our marriage schedule to hand in the pastor before the wedding.
The girl at Derek Laing in Lockerbie, was FABULOUS!!! She did a great job (hope I don't get in trouble for mentioning the name of the place, but it was just fantastic) and it was so wasy to find.
Anyway, we got our hairs done and Mr k picked us up and we headed back to the hotel. The boys got ready in the kids room and the girls got ready in my room. So his daughter and I went to get our makeups done and I put on my dress. Now, by this moment I was thinkingof my mum and the fact that she couldn't be there with me, and God, did I need my mum then!!
The flowers came in and we were ready to go. The limo was waiting for us at the door of the hotel to take us to the Anvil Hall.
aaahhhh the Anvil hall, the most beautiful wedding setting I could have imagined. So fairytale like. I'm sure that's how Cinderella must have felt when she married her prince. I remember I felt my chest was about to explode and couldn't stop smiling, all the way through.
When we said our vows I took a moment to think of what I was saying and so I really meant every word I said. Then we had our pictures taken in and out of the place. Oh! and we even had a Scottish Piper to walk with me to the altar. My husband's youngest son gave me away and it was all so sweet as he even had to say "I do" when the pastor asked him who was giving me in marriage. I still go aaawwww when I think of that.
Anyway, Mr K and I spent some time together in our room when we got to the hotel and had some pictures taken. I had some wine and he had a few beers. Then, back to baby sitting. I didn't mind having the kids with us though, it's just that sharing my husband is so not what I expected to have to do on my wedding day. I know I'm gonna have to share him for the rest of my life and so I only wanted that day to be for us, just us. I should have said yes, when he asked me to go to Gretna together, just the two of us, but I thought it would have been so selfish not to invite his parents, and then he thought of the children and I couldn't say no. An that was our wedding day.
The next morning we had breakfast, left the hotel to go to Gretna Registration Office and to pick up our wedding album from the Gretna Wedding Bureau, who by the way, were also fantastic and their service was really good. I recommend it totally. And then, back to dropping the kids back to the lake district as they were spending a few days up at the caravan and we headed back to Manchester. Back to tears and lots of I'm sorry cards. I'm still so sad that things had to be that way. I don't think I will ever be able to get over that. Especially when I think of our wedding anniversaries. They will always come after the day when my father-in-law passed away and the day my mother-in-law's life changed forever. I'm so sorry for her. I really am, I really miss him, as he was such a lovely man, and life will never be the same for any of us. Rest in peace, G. We will never forget you.
The day before my wedding
It was Monday and Mr K, his children and I were in Scotland. This beautiful hotel near Gretna Green. So, we got there at about midday but the check in could only take place at 1 or 2 (I can't remember now). The Dryfesdale hotel was wonderful though. We went to have a drink and the kids went out to take a look.
Finally, we got our rooms and they were very nice. Ours had a four poster bed (which looked a bit like a bed from a thriller movie), a sitting area and two tellies. The bathroom was amazing. Beautiful bathtub, which I'd already seen on their website, and had of course dreamt of as the setting for romantic champagne drinking and some other things to do with Mr K. We also had a terrace with wonderful views. It was beautiful, but his step-dad (whose name I'm gonna keep to myself) wasn't there. His mum was in her house with her heart broken, instead of being there with us, having some wine and enjoying the views with her husband.
I cried so many times that day. So many times.
Finally, we got our rooms and they were very nice. Ours had a four poster bed (which looked a bit like a bed from a thriller movie), a sitting area and two tellies. The bathroom was amazing. Beautiful bathtub, which I'd already seen on their website, and had of course dreamt of as the setting for romantic champagne drinking and some other things to do with Mr K. We also had a terrace with wonderful views. It was beautiful, but his step-dad (whose name I'm gonna keep to myself) wasn't there. His mum was in her house with her heart broken, instead of being there with us, having some wine and enjoying the views with her husband.
I cried so many times that day. So many times.
The weekend before my wedding
Alright, so, I am finally here, wedding dress hanging in my dressing room, just looking at it gives me chills. Aaaahhhh so many things have happened since that day. 1st June, 2010 aaawwww I had so many expectations for the day, such high expectations, but do you know how when you feel you're about to reach levels of happines you haven't reached before and then there's this red light in front of you saying: "Stop!! Sorry, you're not allowed to enter here"??? Well, that's what happened to me.
The week before my wedding I was in such an over-excited state and my mind kept shouting at me "hey!!! You're gonna be Mrs K in a week!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!! Even published that same AAAAHHHHH in a Cosmo Forum, where the girls were so very supportive and nice to me. Bless them.
Anyway, things is that on the weekend before we were supposed to leave for our Gretna Green-Anvil Hall-fairy-tale wedding, so we were rushing everywhere looking for shoes for my fiancé's sons (which was the only thing we needed) so we went to the Trafford centre in the morning but couldn't find anything. Now Between you and me, I just think he just didn't want to buy them in front of me as the ones we saw were too expensive. lol
Well, we went back home and I could feel a tingle all over me, but a good one. So we go back home but he goes back to the trafford centre to get the shows whilst I stay home and finish packing. Things are fine and everything's soooo exciting. I think: mmmmm, tomorrow we're all gonna be in Scotland. His parents will look after the kids so maybe we can go and do something interesting or get some dinner on our own in a romantc place, don't know. So many things crossed my mind then.
I rang Pam, my mother in law, but her husband picked up the phone. I asked him if i could have Mandy's number as my wedding dress was in her house. I heard him breathing strangely, but I didn't want to say anything as people can be a bit weird in this country when you ask about their helth too much. So, I got the number and I tried ringing but there was no answer. An hour or two later my husband rang to say that his step-dad wasn't felling well and that they were going to the hospital. Everything was alright, and I shouldn't worry. Those were his words.
Then the cold bucket of water. He'd had a massive heart attack and died. He was such a lovely man. Someone so caring, someone who for no reason at all welcomed me into his family and was always concerned with my well-being. I still miss him. I had actually asked him to give me away as my parents weren't going to be able to be there with me. And he was gone, just like that. He had his Sunday roast dinner and then gone.
The next morning we went to see Pam and of course she was devastated. I still remember wer eyes when she told me: "I can't believe I will never have his arms around me anymore". We said good bye and set off to the lake district to pick up the children and head to Scotland.
The week before my wedding I was in such an over-excited state and my mind kept shouting at me "hey!!! You're gonna be Mrs K in a week!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!! Even published that same AAAAHHHHH in a Cosmo Forum, where the girls were so very supportive and nice to me. Bless them.
Anyway, things is that on the weekend before we were supposed to leave for our Gretna Green-Anvil Hall-fairy-tale wedding, so we were rushing everywhere looking for shoes for my fiancé's sons (which was the only thing we needed) so we went to the Trafford centre in the morning but couldn't find anything. Now Between you and me, I just think he just didn't want to buy them in front of me as the ones we saw were too expensive. lol
Well, we went back home and I could feel a tingle all over me, but a good one. So we go back home but he goes back to the trafford centre to get the shows whilst I stay home and finish packing. Things are fine and everything's soooo exciting. I think: mmmmm, tomorrow we're all gonna be in Scotland. His parents will look after the kids so maybe we can go and do something interesting or get some dinner on our own in a romantc place, don't know. So many things crossed my mind then.
I rang Pam, my mother in law, but her husband picked up the phone. I asked him if i could have Mandy's number as my wedding dress was in her house. I heard him breathing strangely, but I didn't want to say anything as people can be a bit weird in this country when you ask about their helth too much. So, I got the number and I tried ringing but there was no answer. An hour or two later my husband rang to say that his step-dad wasn't felling well and that they were going to the hospital. Everything was alright, and I shouldn't worry. Those were his words.
Then the cold bucket of water. He'd had a massive heart attack and died. He was such a lovely man. Someone so caring, someone who for no reason at all welcomed me into his family and was always concerned with my well-being. I still miss him. I had actually asked him to give me away as my parents weren't going to be able to be there with me. And he was gone, just like that. He had his Sunday roast dinner and then gone.
The next morning we went to see Pam and of course she was devastated. I still remember wer eyes when she told me: "I can't believe I will never have his arms around me anymore". We said good bye and set off to the lake district to pick up the children and head to Scotland.
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